How To Sound Amazing: The MJ Guide!
We all know that there are a few tricks that'll help your band break through - and now, here they are compiled into a handy list!
1. Turn up loud.
People love the confidence, play an E minor through a Fender Hot Rod Deluxe turned all the way up and people will worship you like a rock god. People have built entire careers on this principal, you could too. See the attached video if you need a little more information on this.
2. Get a cool haircut.
You think the Beatles were famous before they got matching haircuts? No way. Elvis Presley/Jedward – quifftastic. Mark Bolan – god-like curls, just like Samson your power is in your hair*.
*For all the bald rockers out there your power is in your beard, you need to cultivate that and make striking, magnificent and sensual.
3. Play with confidence
How often have you seen an unsuccessful band play a wrong note, look at each other, laugh, look embarrassed, stop playing and worse still restart the song? This is clearly the wrong approach. All the greats play wrong notes, in fact, wrong notes were the founding principal of One Direction’s careers, and they are RICH. If you play a wrong note, the best advice we can give is simple. Play it again, and again, and again. Seeing this through with enough ballsy-commitment might even lead to the creation of new genres*. Failing this, quickly move to the right note, whip your cool hair/beard (see point 2) and continue like nothing went wrong.
4. Be rude to EVERYONE.
Sex Pistols are the blueprint for how to get on in the music industry, be rude to everyone, especially if there is any possibility they could further your career or be influential in any way. Most music industry types love it when you say/do all/one of the following:
- Throw a beer at them
- Trip them over
- Insult their musical knowledge and claim to know far better
- Keep inviting them to the wrong venue so they never know where you’re actually playing. (They love this).
5. Spend loads of money on equipment.
Look, we all know the more money you spend the better you sound. Talent is overrated; if you’re a sub-par player you need to be buying the most expensive guitar you can get your hands on (look at loans, overdrafts etc and popular guitars like a Gibson Les Paul Standard, Fender American Standard Stratocaster or PRS Studio 10 Top). If your vocals are weak and out of tune, you need to be buying vocal processors (Boss VE-20) to prevent that, and DAW software with auto-tune plug-ins like Cubase, Ableton and Reason. If the sound of your instrument is weak and tinny you need to spend copious amounts of cash on 8x10 cabinets and valve heads to hide how bad you are. If you think the stars of today got to where they are with musical ability, think again. It was money, money, money.
So there you have it - our guide for how to make it to the top. As it so happens, we stock everything you need (except good hair) in our flagship music store in Leicester, so come on down and get yourself kitted out.